Been a while...

I havent written on here in quiet some time. Things are crazy as usual. I am homeschooling my oldest and am struggling to do so. I havent been ableto do it the way I wanted to. You know, the vision of teaching them all and being ableto keep up with the house and errands and keep the whole family happy and everything else a mother does. HA! That hasnt happened at all. My house looks like a tornado came through it. I feel like I am being buried in all this. My sanity isnt even here any more. I feel like I am doing everything but not doing anything well. I keep wishing to just get out, get away from life. Escape from the madness but I know the madness is in my head and I cant escape it.

I had my 5th child, Emily Febuary 5th. I was having a lot of pain and went to the ER and they discovered my gall bladder was full of stones. So I had that taken out March 5th. I was doing good for a little while but then realized I was still having pain in my abdomin. It seems to be getting worse. Before I really only hurt when I ate but now I wake up in pain and it doesnt matter if I eat or not I am in a lot of pain. It really sucks to have pain all the time and not have any answers. The last time I went to the doctor(about 2 years ago)about this pain he told me it was IBS. I dont believe that at all. I dont know why but that doesnt seem like what it is. I dont buy it! I havent gone back to the doctor this time because I expect they will tell me the same thing. I just cant stand all this.

I am deciding wiether I am going to send Hannah back to public school to try to take a little off myself. I have already decided Chyenne will go to kindergarten in public school. I am trying to get Jordan into headstart this year. I think that will help him a lot. I think if I send them to school it will take enough off me I can focus on helping them with thier studies instead of being the only teacher and not having anyone else there. I can help them after school. I could focus on teaching them the gosple before and after school. I would also have more time to focus on them more individually. I would also have more time to keep the house cleaner and do all the other stuff I need to do around here. That way hubby would be happier in that sense.

I just feel like I am drowning and need something to give. Right now, I am not even slightly sane.