Self?

I had a dream today that made me think. In this dream I was at Wal*Mart with my family and we were going down one of the main isles and there were boxes or something in the middle of the isle to where you had to go on either side. Well there was something on the busier side of the boxes so I went on that side and my family went on the other side. I looked quickly at whatever it was. Then continued on. I thought to myself "I will cut through between the boxes just ahead to get back with them."

When I tried to go between the boxes I couldnt find myself. It was like I separated from myself. I looked frantically around and I saw plenty of people but I couldnt find me. I couldnt even think of what I looked like! I didnt know who I was in the crowd. I watched the rest of my family continue on and I didnt know if it was me walking with them or not because I couldnt recognize my own self.
Then I woke up.

I have come to know that a lot of my personality changes when I am around differnet people. For example, my laugh has changed and changed. I have no idea why but I realized a year or two ago that my laugh changes. There are other things that change all the time too about me. Its very hard to describe this but it feels like I wouldnt know who I was or how to act or what to do if it was just me. If no one else was around me. Even when I am by myself I dont know how to act, dont know how to feel.

I know I am a daughter of God but that doesnt tell me much. Everyone is a child of God. I dont even have favorites, I dont have a preference when asked my opinion usually. I only recently(like a year or so ago when I first started realizing all this) decided I like green best for my favorite color. For as long as I remember Ive always just adapted to the people around me. When asked things I like to do or my talents or things that interest me. I have a very very short list if I come with anything at all.

I tried to come up with things I was good at and what interested me and couldnt come up with anything. I think I came up with "I like to read {and in my head I was thinking "because I like to disappear in to the charaters and not be apart of this world I live in."} and maybe even "I can listen" as something Im good at.


I dont know the point of this post. I just guess I needed somewhere I could let my thoughts out.

Tender Mercies

Since losing my childhood dog, it upsets me to see an animal killed on the road. I still have a wave of chills and if its a dog or pet like animal I sometimes have tears in my eyes.

Today on the way to church, I looked out the side window to get a better look at a few ponds. They looked like there was something in there moving, so it caught my eye. Then on the way home I noticed smoke from a house we were passing and it looked like the smoke was coming from the pool that I could only see half of as we passed. This being strange it caught my eye as well. So I watched as we passed the other side of the house and the fire was a pile they were burning on the other side of the pool. The wind was blowing in just the right way to make it look as if the smoke was coming from within the pool.

When I turned around again, my husband was laughing. I knew he didn't see the smoke or anything I had been watching because he was driving. So I asked what was funny. He said,"On the way to church this morning there was an animal killed on the road. I was worried about you and when I looked over at you, you were looking the other way. Then just now I knew it was still there and again looked over at you. Again you were looking the other way. I guess Heavenly Father didn't want you to see that today."

Instantly I knew that indeed was the case. I felt it confirmed in my heart. To know that He cares enough for me to protect me from something so small is such a wonderful thing. His tender mercies are great to each and every one of us. He knows us individually and cares for us.

"I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us." "We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord’s tender mercies. The simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live." Elder David A. Bednar
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Anticipating Baby 6

When I was a kid, I would say, "I am going to have 6 kids, a really big family!" I said that until I married James. I'm not so sure I believed it though. Now that its happening I am surprised, anxious, and happy. We weren't trying to get pregnant or anything. This is just a happy unexpected blessing.

I am looking forward to welcoming our new family member when he/she gets here. We have decided we do not want to know the sex this time. Its the sixth. There aren't many surprises left in this whole pregnancy thing. So why not have something to wonder about till the big moment. Only problem might be the fact that I am so good at identifying what is being shown on the ultrasound that I might see by accident!

When we first found out, I thought I was due in early to mid March. When I went to the doctor I thought I was about 10 weeks. But when she did the ultrasound, she said I was only 6 weeks. So my due date is April 7, 2011. I doubt I will make it to then though. I never do. My guess is March 29th-31st. My exact due date I predicted with Emily was right. She was due February 9th and I said she would be born on the 1st because that is my sister's birthday. I said that because her son was born on my birthday. Emily was born on February 1st. So we will see this time.



We can't wait to welcome our 6th baby!

Being A Mom

I just have to say something because so many people either feels sorry for me, think I am so stressed, or look down on me in some way because I have 5 kids and one on the way, am a homemaker, and was a homeschooling parent too. I'll give it to you, being a mom is the hardest job there ever will be and I am not just saying that. I know there is no other job so demanding, stressful, and tough as the one of Mom. I also know that being Mom gives me the most rewards. There is nothing else one can do that will have more benefits than being a parent.

First of all, I choose this roll. I love being a mom. I love being home with them all day. I love taking care of them. Sure there are things that aren't to great like fussing and fighting. Or the diaper changing or potty training. Or the early a.m. mornings/late p.m. nights. But being able to see them grow, watch them work hard and succeed, or being able to uplift and encourage them far out wiegh the unpleasent things.

Second, if I offer to do something or help you in some way. I mean it. If I didnt want to do it I wouldnt have offered. There have been to many that have either not answered my offer of help or have said "No, you got enough to on your plate I dont want to add anymore." Really! Why would I offer to do something if I wasnt able to or I was too busy to do it? Sure I am busy sometimes but I am pretty much flexible. Even when we were full time homeschooling I was able to do things for others or lend a helping hand.

So, basically all I am saying is dont feel sorry for me because I have the life I do. I chose it. I want it. I dont feel totally stressed. I dont feel like I cant do anything other than what I do on a daily basis. I love to help. I love to be there for others. My family is wonderful. I wouldnt want anyother life than the one I live everyday. I know this is the way Heavenly Father wants for me and my family. I know that being a parent is called of God. He has instructed us in the scriptures to have children and that they are blessings from Him.

Homeschool to Public School

So yesterday was one of the final steps for getting the girls registered for school. Since we homeschooled last year we had to have her tested to make sure she is ready for the second grade. She was so nervous about going back to school. She kept saying " I don't want to go to school. Cant I just stay home again!" To which I reassured her that she would do just fine and we will see in December what she needs as far as school.

We have put our homeschool journey on hold for now. I have had a lot of trouble keeping Hannah focused and willing to work on school work. I also haven't been able to do as much with it as I thought. I wasn't able to take her on the field trips and play groups and all due to financial and vehicle difficulties. I haven't been able to get our curriculum exactly right yet either. We started out with several but none were right for her/us. I know, that is always a work in progress. We decided to put them in school this year and see how it goes. See if its better for Hannah there or home.

So Hannah was really worried and nervous. So we practiced all the reading and math stuff before we went to do the testing. Turned out they dint even test her math which kind of bugged me because she is a whiz kid in math and struggles with her reading confidence. She did great on it all. The only thing she was slightly behind on was fluency in reading. They wanted her to read at 40 words and she was at 31. I believe that was nerves mostly.

So after the testing was complete and we were leaving, Hannah was excited and thought that she would be able to do it. That school might not be as hard as she had worked it up to be. I was happy that she got that confidence boost.

I know Chyenne needs to go to school. I believe there is something different about how she learns and I do not know how to teach her way. So I am hoping school will help with that. Plus she is such a social child school might be best in that sense for her. She is excited about going to school. i think she is looking at it like an adventure ahead.

I am still working on getting Jordan into the preschool program. He has special needs and was evaluated by them last September. At that time they said he was find and would catch up on those delays quickly and that he couldn't be in their program because of that. They told me if he's the same bring him back in a year. Well I have been trying to get things going for him in this past year and the only thing I have succeeded in is getting him Occupational Therapy at Easter Seals. He needs speech and special instruction as well but we are still waiting on those too.

I have contacted several places to try to get him tested for a diagnosis but there are waiting lists here that the minimal wait will be 6 months! Its extremely frustrating. I have him on the waiting list of one place and working on the second place. I know if I had a diagnosis, they couldn't deny him services at the schools. They would have no choice. Its the law.

For now I will continue to work on all these things, trying my hardest to be my children's advocates. I hope I can look back one day and say I tried hard enough and did what I had to to help my children succeed. I will just keep trying.

Siblings

I am amazed at the bond that can develop between siblings. I never had that. I only have one sister who is 3 years older than me. We never had a good relationship growing up. But what I am learning is that there can grow such a bond that is just awesome to watch happen.

My three almost four year old son and 6 month old daughter have such a connection. He has been fascinated with her from the day she came home. She loves him just as much too. Jordan will get down and play with her. He was the first to get her to laugh out loud. He is the one who can calm her when she is upset and Mommy's busy at that second.

When Emily is hungry and I am making a bottle and she is screaming, Jordan will talk to her, give her a toy, or be silly to make her laugh. She will calm down for him so easily. I'll ask one of my girls that are older than Jordan is and they will try the same type of things Jordan does but its not the same I guess. She will not calm down. But let Jordan come over and talk to her, pat her tummy, and play with her and shes happy to wait the few minutes until I get to her. Its like they were best friends before they came here to this earth, like they were sent here together to help one another.

I was watching them this morning and it brought tears to my eyes to witness the love they so freely share. Its in thier eyes when they are interacting. Its in thier grinning faces. Its in the words he speaks and in the giggles she replies. Its marvelous to watch.

I love my children and am happy that they get along for the most part. They have their fights as any siblings do. But over all they play well together and try to help one another. I am glad they are so close in ages because I think it helps with their bond. I am amazed at how different their personalities are yet they love each other so much.

Time4Learning.com Review

So I signed up a for a free month on Time4Learning.com in exchange for a review.

I think its been a good experiance. Hannah has enjoyed the lessons. There are plenty for her to choose from to do each day. She enjoyed the was they were presented. It kept her entertained while she was learning. It didnt get old for her. There were things that kept her attention through each lesson. I especially like the chapter tests. That is a great tool. I love being able to go in and check the reports and see where she is struggling.

Im not so sure it should be the only curriculum used. I do not believe it is complete enough for that. But if you suppliment it, I believe it could be your core curriculum. I think if you do some more lessons outside of the computer that corrispond with what they are learning on Time4Learning it would be perfect. Also reading a lot of books too.

So my over all opinion: Its a good program that requires some supplimenting to be complete.

Emily Now Has a Free Tongue

So this morning was Emily's surgery. She has been tongue tied from birth. I asked them to fix it in the hospital but they refused. So I had to wait till she was around 4-6 months. Adam was also tongue tied. They wouldn't do his for a year for some reason. I didn't like our pediatrician we were using at the time and actually had to have one of her partners refer us to the ENT to get it done. We have since changed pediatricians. I believe waiting so long interfered with his speech because now he is behind on expressive speech. The new doctor had no problem giving the referral for Emily, though.

We got there this morning at 5:30am, signed in, and did all the paperwork signing. We then were taken to the room. We talked to the nurses and waited for the doctor to get there. Yes we were there before the doctor. Go figure. So he comes in and tells us exactly what was going to happen and things started. They came in to get her. I carried her down the hall to the OR doors where I couldn't go any further. I kissed her cheek and gave her to the nurse to go the rest of the way. James and I watched her disappear around the doors with the nurse.

James had to leave at this point to get to work on time. I kissed him goodbye and went back to the room to wait. About the time I started to get restless the doctor came in to tell me everything went great. He freed up a considerable amount of her tongue and there wasn't even any blood. She was in recovery waking up. The surgery is super fast. She was into the OR and then moved to recovery in less than 10 minutes. Then about 5 minutes more in recovery and she was brought back out to me in the room. I just had to make sure she could drink some juice without throwing up and we could go.

We were out of there by 7:30am. Everything went great and shes now happily playing with her toys and doesn't know any difference. Well maybe she can because she is keeping her finger in her mouth and moving her tongue around it.

Its That Time of The Year Again

Its that time again. Yep. Its Birthday Season in the Isbell household. From august through December its at least one person's birthday each month! Technically, it starts in June and goes through February but Emily isnt 1 yet and Adam has only had 2 birthdays and their months are separated by a month each. Ok. Adam's is June. Chyenne's is August. Jordan's is September. Mine is October. James' is November. Hannah's is December. And finally Emily's is February. Can you believe that?! I joke saying well all we have to do now if fill in July and January and well be on a total roll with them all!

So now I have to get thinking. What do we do about presents and gifts and all that good stuff. I love doing parties for the kids but the bad thing is most of the time no one comes other than the grandparents! It happened again with Adam birthday last month. I invited a group of people and again it was just the grandparents that came. I love them and the kids adore them but sooner or later the kids will catch on that for some reason no one else shows up!

I think I will combine Jordan and Chyenne's parties again this year. Late year we actually had people show up to that one. I am going to borrow a giant slip and slide if I can and hopefully have a lot of fun. If not the slip and slide something else fun. We'll see.

A Brave Woman...Me??

OK I have 5 kids and I have homeschooled and I have been married since I was 15. I cant even begin to count how many times I have heard: "Dont you know what causes that?" or "are you done yet?" or "are they all yours?" or "you have your hands full!" or one that puzzles me most "you're a brave woman!"

My family is my number two only to my Father in heaven. I love them beyond life itself. I don't find what I do everyday to be so extraordinary or brave in anyway. I do what I need to take care of my blessings from above. James and I both make sacrifices for the most beautifully sweet rewards this world has ever seen. I know that I am not perfect and I stumble and well, lets face it, fall flat on my face sometimes on this journey that is my life. But I do know that I am trying and feel I do OK most of the time.

I try to teach my family the light and truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For me all these things are automatic. I find it strange that someone would call me brave. I can see calling our soldiers, who put their life on the line everyday for our freedom, brave. Or even our police officers and firefighters, who keep us safe right here in our hometown, brave. But not me. I'm just a mother.

I don't know if what I teach my children today will change the world of tomorrow but I know I just try my best and if I dont succeed today I will wake up and try again tomorrow.

So I may have more kids than most people and I may not fit the typical image of a 23 year old. I may have to shop in bulk or buy my dishes at the restaurant supply store but I am still just a mother. And I do not know if we will have another so don't ask me. That decision is in Gods hand and if you want to know ask him!

Preparing for Adventures

Today I am preparing for our up coming vacation to the beach. I am so excited. We haven't done much as a family before and I am so ready to get into some family fun. I know the long car ride will be a bit of a task but I know we will have fun. We will be camping on an island. Yes in a tent! A bunch of people have said we are crazy in this heat and with the kids. I think they are the crazy ones. I know there will be times of frustration but what day doesn't have those? I know my kids will treasure the memories we create on our first adventure together on vacation.

I remember camping as a kid and loving it. I haven't been camping often since about 10 or 11. Its sad because those were the times we needed it the most. I hope I can keep James and the kids excited about going out and doing more things together. I know I probably wont have a problem keeping the kids into it but James might need more convincing later. As for now, hes just as excited as I am.

So in my preparations I am packing up things and cleaning the house so it will be clean when we get back. I am making lists and getting information. I am trying to get as much done as possible in advance so that it will be easier when the time comes to pack the van and head out.

We will be cooking on a fire and roasting marshmallows. We will go shelling and swimming in the ocean. We will visit a water park and play mini golf. Most importantly we will spend time together. I am excited and hope everything goes ok. I know. I know. Fat chance! But still I hope nothing major goes wrong! =D

Time4Learning.com

I’ve been invited to try Time4Learning’s online curriculum for one month in exchange for a candid review. My opinion will be entirely my own so be sure to come back and read my experience with Time4Learning’s educational program. Click to find out more or if you would like to apply to be considered for a review.

Homeschooling my crew

This homeschooling thing has become so stressful for me. I feel ready to give it all up. I want to do it but dont feel as though i am doing a good job. I want to be able to be teaching them all and have had to concentrate on Hannah and not teach the others pretty much at all. I dont know how to do it. Hannah is a good student. She needs prompting to complete tasks but she does good in her work. Its ME! I dont know how so many people are able to spread thier minds to be able to teach their different age leveled children! I am deserperately looking for the solution because if I dont find it, its off to public school again!
I feel spread to thin some times, actually most times! hmmmmmmm...

Need Hope?

My friend has been writing a blog for the past couple months. It started as a way to keep everyone updated on her husband/family's condition. I think now her blog has become a source of testimony strength for many people. See, her husband was diagnosed about 2 months ago with a massive tumor in his liver that is non operable and terminal. They have a unique out look on what is going on. For a family that could understandably be angry, bitter, or resentful they are exactly the oppisite. They have put thier faith in God and know that it is His will. She has said that she has been contacted by friends and even people she doesn't know to tell her how her words have helped them.
For me, I find thier lives and out look right now such an amazing thing! They are inspiring to me and so many people. I am so greatful to be able to witness these miricals taking place. So greatful to be able to call them my firends. Heavenly Father is truly at work in thier lives.

If you would like to know what it is that has insipired me so much, go read her blog at http://prayingforbob.blogspot.com/

Anniversary Trip to Mt Cheaha

For our anniversary we went to a mountain here in Alabama called Mount Cheaha to camp for 3 days. I had a blast! It was the first time in the 8 years James and I have gotten away without any of the kids. We enjoyed it but missed the kids at the same time. I guess thats being a parent for ya. :-}
All in all it was a really great trip!


Here's some of our adventures:

We took the scenic route which took us through Sylacauga. I took James on an unplanned tour of my hometown(or at least the place I consider my hometown being that Ive moved 27 times lol). I had a blast showing James all my "this is when I..." places. =P

Then we headed out on the road. Before we left I worte the directions down from Google maps. They were good till the end. We turned on the road we thought was the right road because it had the exact same name! But it wasnt because somehow we ended up going the way we had come without meaning to. We went to the end of that road and thought that was our next turn. Then we realized, "Wait a second! Didnt we just pass that old house and that chicken coop?!" LOL

So we turned around and went the other way and some how made it to the road we were supposed to be on. Once we got to the park, we went to check in and we told the girl we wanted the 'semi-primitive' site and she looked at us strangely and said "are you sure? Maybe you should go look at the two sites to make sure."

James and I look at eachother a little worried and tell her no we want those. After that I am thinking "Oh great! There is going to be something seriously wrong with the site." But it was to expensive to go to the "Improved site" so we took our chances. We went up to the site and descovered the were great! I dont know why she looked at us and said that but maybe we just didnt look like we wanted to truely tent camp. It was "semi" because it had picnic tables and fire rings. LOL It was a really nice place. Only problem we had was finding a place we could stake down our tent. Being on a mountain made it hard to find anywhere there wasnt rock.

So we set up camp and then gathered fire wood. At one point James was walking in front of me and stepped on some big rocks. I stepped on them behind him and was looking down(I tend to trip a lot so I was being very careful) and saw the side of a snake sliding under the rock! I let out a yelp and jump from the rocks. James thought I was falling and caught me almost threw me back to the rock. I thought it was very nice he caught me. At least I know he will catch me when I fall. =)
I do not know what kind of snake it was or anything because all I could see was the side of it and when I looked after I lept it was completely hidden.

When we were walking back to our campsite there were 3 deer in a site close to ours! The obviously were used to people being around and not hurting them because they let us get really close to them before they started to go away. We were about 20 feet from them. I took several great pictures of them. Only to discover later that my camera had dumped all pictures and wouldnt save anything. It also said it was having a lens error. I was so disappointed in the pictures of the deer being gone. Later I figured out I could take out the SD card and get at least 10 pictures on the internal memory. So I at least got a few pictures.

It was hot and we wanted to cool down. We went down the mountain to the lake and swam for a while. I was demonstrating how to float with out a float for James and realized I had lost my glasses from the top of my hat!! I was so sick about that. Those are a lot of money and cant be replaced any time soon. James and I looked and couldnt find them. So we decided to prayfor help. After that we looked some more and still couldnt find them. I gave up and just swam for a little while. I heard another woman saying she had lost her glasses and I told her I did the same thing. She was still looking for hers and said she didnt doubt her ability to find them. She said she was very good at finding things. I didnt think much of it but them she found hers! I saw that hers were just sunglasses and told her mine were Rx ones.

She was very concerned because she said those are very expensive. She took it on herself to search for my glasses. I still didnt think there was any way she could find them because we had moved from where we were before but I told her the general area where we were when I lost them. She said she grew up on the river so she learned to find things really well in the muddy water. She said, "So if any one can find them I bet it will be me." She was searching for like 5 minutes and kept pulling up sticks thinking that was them. Then I look over at her and see her pull something out of the water. It was my glasses!!! I couldnt believe it! I am still shocked by it. But what had happened was right before she found them she said only way she would find them was with God's help and no sooner than she had those words out of her mouth than she picked them up off the bottom from the mud! I know HE put her there and made her lose her glasses to et me to talk to her and find both of our glasses! I am so very thankful for her faith and my Heavenly Fathers love to lead her to them! It was definately a tender mercy for just me.

That night we cooked tin foil burger meals. I cut up an onion and a couple potates and some carrot sticks. I put it all in foil and cooked it on the fire. They turned out great. We very much enjoyed our dinner. We also made s'mores for desert. I havent had those in years and enjoyed every bite of my two.


The next morning we got up early and headed to the trails. We took our map from the camp store and chose our path to the High Falls and set off. At the trail heads, we looked at the big topo map and saw some inconsistancies in our map. But we thought it would be ok and hiked on. At one point James is leading and I look at the ground as we hike and I saw something. I wasnt exactly sure but then realization set in and I thought out loud, "We just passed a snake." Not excitedly or anything just kind of a statement. With the way James took off though you would have thought I said it was next to his foot! =P


We go to the end of the second trail where it was supposed to end into another trail. We werent sure which way to go on the next trail. We looked at the direction of each side of the trail and thought it was to the left. Once we had walked a while the trail got smaller and more over grown. I could still see the trail and thought it just hadnt been used to often. James thought we should go back and go the other way. I convinced him to continue the way we'd come because we had already come so far that way and surely it would end out in the right place.

Well we walked and walk and walked and the trail completely disappeared! So we either had to go back the way we'd come(which was hard to tell where that was) or we try to cut through the woods to find the other trail. Yeah we did the crazy thing and cut through. We went for a while still not finding the trail and had to stop and get some water and rest for a minute. Thankfully there were plenty of oddly shaped trees to site on.

We continued on and found the trail after going up instead of straight like we had been hiking. We came out on what couldnt be mistaken for anything but the actaul trail. We could hear the water and went the way on the trail towards it. We crossed a little stream and thought if we kept going we might find the falls after all because at that point we didnt know which trail we had come out on. We went on for about another 3 miles or so and became frustrated because the trail was continueing to lead up the mountain away from the water.

We did not think we were going to get to the falls going the way we went so we turned around and headed back the way we came. We passed where we had came back onto the trail earlier and continued going back. We finally came back to where the trails met and realized we were on the right trail. We just went the wrong direction on it. So we went back and kept seeing things and thinking "Oh this was close to the start we are almost back" HA! We did that like 10 times and I told James we have got to stop saying that because I think its adding miles in front of us.

Once we made it back to the trail head we looked at the map. If we would have gone about 5 more miles where we turned around that last time we would have made it to the falls. James was very disappointed. He said, "We didnt make it to our destination and that really irritates me." He likes to finish what he starts. We calculatd what we did and thin we did about 20 miles total. I think that was pretty good for hiking 3 hours! Add in the fact that we are very much beginners and we did really good! =)


We went and jumped into the lake to cool down and had hot dogs for lunch. Then we went and hiked the small trail to the top of the mountain and looked out over the forrest. It was so beautiful up there. I could have stayed there forever! So peaceful and humbling. You really are just a speck when compared to the vast earth we live on. It really was so nice.


(this picture is zoomed in all the way to see the buildings in the distance)

Then we went to the pool and stayed there for a several hours. I told James he swims like a frog(The way he kicks his legs) and he called me a dolphin( I swim better under the water with my eyes open in the water than I do on top.)

Today we woke up broke down camp, showered and headed out. We went to Church in Sylacauga where I went when I lived there. I was so nice. So very different from where we go now and from what I remember as a kid but it was very nice to be there.

I cant wait till July when we all go as a family to Bear Island in North Carolina!! That will be so much fun! =D